A little background...(ok, a lot)

I was the second oldest of 5 children. We all shared the same mother, but there were three different father's involved. At the age of 10 I became the second mother in the house and had a very large role in raising my younger siblings. I don't have any memories of living with my father and different men came and went in my mother's life.

You know that fantasy every kid has about what it will be like when they grow up?

My fantasy looked like this: I was going to leave the island that I grew up on (I had always felt isolated there), go to college to be something great, not have any kids until after I was 30 and no more than two at that. Both kids would be from the man I fell in love with and married before ever getting pregnant. I would have a successful career and be a loving mother and wife, while still traveling the world and keeping a strong pulse on the latest fashion and technology trends.

Here's what happened: At the age of nineteen I moved away for college. I couldn't afford to go to school full time, so I enrolled in a University part time and worked full time. Two years after living on the mainland (U.S.) I met a guy at work who offered to take me out for my 21st birthday. I was an awkward young lady and had never really dated. After our first date I was smitten. He was 7 years older than me and the older male figure I had been searching for my whole life (in hindsight I became aware of this fact). I became attached at the hip instantly. I know, the spokes-model for mental health right? At the age of 22 I found out I was pregnant. The father of the child turned out to be very manipulative, talking me into keeping the child despite the fact that we had just decided to break up. I was too young, and we were broke. I dropped out of college to work full time and then stay home after the baby arrived. Because I was determined to stay with the father of my child, we move back to the island I am from to be near my family. We decided it would be best to get married and, after 9 months on the island, we move back to the mainland to the Midwest where he is from. This is due to him having a nervous breakdown. At this point I'm ready to leave him for the umpteenth time, but his mental state is too fragile to do so (that's what I kept telling myself). I stayed with this man for 3 more years. In that time I started back to school at night, had a second child, and graduated with honors. By now our marriage is a full blown mess and we headed to marriage counseling. This is where I found out that my husband had something called "Borderline Personality Disorder" and the therapist told me that if I ever wanted to be happy, I needed to divorce him. He would not change. Over the years I had stayed because he would threaten to kill himself if I left. I'm such a nice person and didn't want that to happen, so I was roped back in with each threat. This therapist finally helped me see the severity of the dysfunction and I finally took the initiative to leave him.

So there I was at 28 years old. I had only been with one man my whole life. Single for the first time with two children under the age of 3. I would begin this journey with plenty of obstacles including, dealing with my own mental health issues as a result of being verbally/emotionally abused for 6 years, the divorce, my ex husband's mental health issues, having to start over financially and entering the work force to provide for my kids as a full time mom. This was the beginning of my new life. A life that would be a struggle, but not without a ton of reward. I am a strong woman. I have been through more than most and came out the other end a new, better person.

That was 9 years ago. As you can see, my fantasy did not become my reality but I remember those flippin' life lessons that I learned along the way and I'm grateful. I might still be a naïve, lazy, direction-lacking woman if I hadn't taken this path. My children changed my life for the better. I have worked hard for everything I have and it's starting to pay off. Good things happen to good people.

Day one...

And so it begins...Day one of my single parent blog. Where I will share our adventures, joys, downfalls, life lessons learned, life lessons not learned, funny stuff, sad stuff...you get the point?

I have been raising my kids alone for 9 years now. I have two wonderful children who are 10 and 13 as of 2013. I have had full custody of them since my divorce. I've been able to parent them without much of a fight from their father. But on the flipside of that, I haven't had any help either.

So we keep moving forward....sometimes backwards.