There is such a thing as too nice.

 

As I've gotten older, I've realized that it is possible to be too nice. In the past it was the cause of much exhaustion for me. I overextended myself all the time, gave too much of myself physically and emotionally. I'm starting to see this same trend in my younger child, my 10 year old son. He has admitted that he wants to make everyone happy. His actions reflect this as well. He tries too hard. He tries to predict what you will want done in order to be helpful and hopefully happier and then goes for it. Often leading to more frustration because the help was not needed, wanted or was done wrong.

 

It just breaks my heart to see him try so hard and often times have it end in him feeling bad about what he did, even though what he was doing was with all the best of intentions. So I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him about this in a way that helps him understand that being nice is a good quality to have, to a point. I don't want him to grow up overextending himself and getting taken advantage of. I also want him to be able to be true to himself and not think I am telling him that it's wrong to be nice.

 

He is an anxious kid in his own right. So I can see that he is working overtime in the "nice" department hoping to bring more "peace" to the household. As you can imagine, being the only boy in a house with a single-mom who's often under a fair amount of stress and a 13 year old sister can get a bit hectic.

 

I have been working on keeping the daily stress levels lower by trying to prepare for the weeks in advance (meals, supplies for school, activities, etc.). I've also started taking short walks with him after school/work with just the two of us. This gets him away from his sister for a bit and an opportunity to talk about our days. It's a stress reliever for both of us. Which, in turn makes for a calmer evening all around. I'm hoping that if I can provide a calmer house, then maybe the stress levels will drop and he won't feel the need to take on the job of making sure everyone is happy. After all, it's his job to be a kid.