Post-Vacation Blahs

We have returned from our 2 week adventure. It was a whirlwind of travel to Seattle, Bellingham, Vancouver, back to Seattle, the Big Island of Hawaii, then to Maui. I'm not sure I'd attempt a full two weeks with the kids on my own again, but we did make the best of it and tried to enjoy as much as we could while dealing with lack of sleep, anxiety in the kids involving meeting new people and the unknown of new places, and just the plain getting tired of being with each other 24/7.

We arrived home after 20 hours of travel that involved 3 plane changes and one delay. The kids did amazingly well for it being the end of the trip and the length of the travel time. We came home to a very hot house that we quickly cooled down with the A/C and we all passed out. We arrived at 9am on a Tuesday and had the day off, so I had planned it this way. I woke up midday to a horrible migraine. I'm guessing that the exhaustion, not drinking enough water and stress finally got to me. I quickly medicated myself and went back to sleep until it was gone. I woke again at 5pm and both kids were up. We went out to dinner and then it was back to bed!

I felt refreshed the next day and ready to jump back into work after taking my daughter to school for her first day, which was actually their 3rd day. She missed the first two days with the trip. I also would be starting school that day in the evening. I'm taking 2 classes this Fall semester. One in-class and one online. I was doing ok all day until I finally made it to that class...after running late and getting lost in the building. It was like a brick hit me in the head. And on top of it, it's Statistics! Not exactly the most exciting of topics. Although by the end of the class I had gotten my second wind once I realized how much work was going to be involved in order to pass the class. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed this evening after that class. I know I will be able to handle it all, but tonight I am feeling the effects of the trip and just can't put my energy into it. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Moral of the story...keep trips with kids manageable by keeping the sight-seeing to a minimum. Have a plan, but don't plan to stick to it and be flexible. Take another adult on the trip if you can for the added emotional and physical support or plan to stay with friends/family who can help out and give you a break. Try to plan the trip when you know you'll have a few weeks to recover, not right before school starts!

One adventure is over, only to bring on a new one!

Get lost

My kids and I drove into Vancouver, B.C. yesterday. We spent the day with an old family friend and tooled around in the English Bay and Stanley Park. On our way back to the border, we lost our network signal on my phone, which was what I was using for GPS so we decided to just use the directions we had printed out from Google maps in reverse...this didn't work out so well. We got severely lost in a big city we didn't know.

After 3 hours of thinking we were on the right track and then realizing we weren't on the right track at all, we finally stopped at a gas station to purchase a map of the city.

My daughter and I took it in stride and had a blast being lost, while my son didn't so much. He was so frustrated that we couldn't find our way and kept getting mad at me for laughing about it. I ended up having to have a serious talk with him about life and how getting lost is part of the adventure. I explained to him that you can plan out your life as detailed as you like, but if you can't lighten up enough to enjoy the unplanned moments, then you'll miss out on all the stuff that real memories are made out of. I think he gets it now. I'm hoping we get lost again on this trip.

Great travel idea for kids...or small adults.

My son decided that it would be a great idea to bring his body pillowcase on the plane so he could have a blanket on the trip. At first I dismissed him, but after he insisted and his compelling demonstration I couldn't argue. It's a perfect blanket for traveling on a plane. He's basically in a cocoon. It worked wonderfully!

Body pillowcase in use.



And so begins our two week adventure...

We have embarked on a two week journey that we've been anticipating for MONTHS! Just a mom and her two kiddos, out to see the world (well a part of it anyway). I told my daughter that we were going half way around the world and her jaw dropped to the floor. She said, "Really???" I said, "Well, no. But at least an eighth."Either way, we're stoked to be on this whirlwind of a trip.

I have spent the last few days planning out the process of packing in my head. Trying to find the easiest, and least stressful, path through the mine-field of a task. I knew that I'd be working until the very last minute in order to prepare my department at work for being gone for two weeks. I knew I'd be drained from not being able to sleep with anticipation and thoughts of how I was going to make this all work.

So the packing is done. It went better than anticipated. I only freaked out twice. My good friend came to pick us up for the airport. She said, "I give you huge props. I don't know how you handle all this so well." Her words were validating and flattering since she had to witness us finish the process of packing with an extra bonus of losing my son's wallet as we had to leave the house. He was not leaving the house without that wallet and his $6.45. We had to tear all the bags apart to find it. And not only did we find it, but we found in the place that I hid it so it wouldn't get lost! A seriously funny family moment. There were cheers and laughter after an arduous search.

Waiting to board the plane



First stop: Seattle, WA

We arrived later in the evening and the kids are adjusting to their first night in a motel. The sheltered lifestyle we live is showing. It's not the worst of motels, but it's not a nice hotel. Somewhere smack in the middle. The kids reaction to hearing others in the hallway, smelling the lingering smoke in the room, and seeing the, not so beautiful view from our window was hilarious. We've been doing some talking about "real life" and how mom wouldn't pick a hotel that isn't safe. The kids seriously thought we might be in danger staying here...and it's really not that bad! We will wake early to pick up our rental car so we can drive out of he city and north into some beautiful areas including Bellingham and Vancouver, BC.



A sense of humor...so important.

Sometimes when things are busy and challenging, it's hard to remember how important it is to have a sense of humor. I've been known to have a great sense of humor, but also get caught up in the humdrum of daily life at times also.

I had a friend remind me that it's ok to have a sense of humor, even if it's can be construed as "weird", "raunchy", "twisted", or any other label that might be used by someone who is unhappy in life and offended by your awesome sense of humor.

There is such a thing as too nice.

 

As I've gotten older, I've realized that it is possible to be too nice. In the past it was the cause of much exhaustion for me. I overextended myself all the time, gave too much of myself physically and emotionally. I'm starting to see this same trend in my younger child, my 10 year old son. He has admitted that he wants to make everyone happy. His actions reflect this as well. He tries too hard. He tries to predict what you will want done in order to be helpful and hopefully happier and then goes for it. Often leading to more frustration because the help was not needed, wanted or was done wrong.

 

It just breaks my heart to see him try so hard and often times have it end in him feeling bad about what he did, even though what he was doing was with all the best of intentions. So I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him about this in a way that helps him understand that being nice is a good quality to have, to a point. I don't want him to grow up overextending himself and getting taken advantage of. I also want him to be able to be true to himself and not think I am telling him that it's wrong to be nice.

 

He is an anxious kid in his own right. So I can see that he is working overtime in the "nice" department hoping to bring more "peace" to the household. As you can imagine, being the only boy in a house with a single-mom who's often under a fair amount of stress and a 13 year old sister can get a bit hectic.

 

I have been working on keeping the daily stress levels lower by trying to prepare for the weeks in advance (meals, supplies for school, activities, etc.). I've also started taking short walks with him after school/work with just the two of us. This gets him away from his sister for a bit and an opportunity to talk about our days. It's a stress reliever for both of us. Which, in turn makes for a calmer evening all around. I'm hoping that if I can provide a calmer house, then maybe the stress levels will drop and he won't feel the need to take on the job of making sure everyone is happy. After all, it's his job to be a kid.

 

 

 

Being pulled in three directions. How to deal?

Saturday's are a challenging day for a single parent. They are one of two days in the week that I don't have to go to work, the house and yard need my attention, and my kids get me the whole day. Often, the kids end up frustrated with me because I'm determined to get house work done. They can't seem to understand that if we get the work done first, we can use the rest of the day for time together. Simple idea right? I remember being a kid and not understanding this thought process at all. I feel like karma has caught up with me big time. Now my kids are me when I was kid.

What I've found, though, is if I can lure them outside with me to do yard work, we always end up having amazing conversations and get lots done, even I'm the one doing all the work and they're just watching and talking with me. Being in nature is magical.



Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?

This last week my daughter was camping with her grandparents and her cousins. My son had me all to himself for the WHOLE week. We had a wonderful time together. Note: This individual time with my kids never happens.

About half way through the week, he started to voice his feelings about how much he missed his sister. It was so cute. I was starting the miss my little princess as well.

We were anxiously awaiting her return today. Now if I could only find a way to remind my son how much he missed her when he's in the middle of an argument with her. Short lived, but a good reminder of our unconditional love, no matter how annoyed we get with each other.

Two steps forward, one step back.



How did I get here?

Ever sit down and realize how far you've come? I did this tonight. My 10 year old son and I watched "The Pursuit of Happyness" tonight. As I was laying in his bed for our nightly bedtime routine, I laid there thinking about how far I've come. The movie (if you haven't seen it) is the true story of the extreme struggle of a single father and how hard work and a "keep your head down and keep going" attitude can pay off. I can't say I have ever struggled to the extreme level that was depicted in the movie, but I have had my share hard times. Financially, emotionally, as a parent, etc.

Success is a relative idea. It could mean that you're finally living paycheck to paycheck instead of going further into debt each month. It could mean you're now making over 100K a year instead of 50K a year and are able to purchase that BMW you always wanted to park in  front of your fancy house with a white picket fence. It could mean that you finally passed your GED and can now say you graduated high school.

Despite my personal struggles, I've never felt the need to blame anyone for it. I've always taken my struggles in stride and as a challenge to prove to myself that I could make it. I may not be at the top of the successful spectrum, but I do feel I'm successful in my own right. As I laid there reflecting on the fact that all of my hard work is paying off, I was overcome with gratitude and pride. Which is a big relief because, as of late, things have felt very hard and challenging. But every now and then you need a good movie, song lyric, or friend, to remind you of how good you have it. I have a job that provides well enough for now. We are safe in our home that we own and I love my neighbors. I have found the strength to go back to school part time while still working full time in order to further my career. All this and raising two amazing kids on my own terms. In two weeks we will be sitting on a beach admiring the sunset only the Pacific Ocean can provide.

Life is good. I can't complain.