Definately Perfectionist

After some deep thought and self exploration over the last few days, I've come up with an answer to my previous question. I'm not OCD...I'm a perfectionist. And don't be mistaken, I am not in any way suggesting I'm perfect, just someone who wants things to go smoothly and well. Because of this, I'm finding that I'm much too hard on myself. The trait of checking notifications within technology/social media is a symptom of this. My expectations of myself are uber high. I demand that I'm on top of everything in order to avoid disaster in any form. I realize that I don't hold these expectations for others. In fact, I'm extremely understanding when it comes to the faults of others. If someone performs below expectations, then I just pick up the slack.

This became clear to me the other day when I was forced to wear a bandage on my wrist after having a cortisone shot into my wrist in order to help some inflamed tendons. Unfortunately there is 2 days of agony preceding the comfort of the medication actually working. I wore the bandage in order to brace my wrist while I operated my manual transmission car and did normal daily activities. It hurt so bad I was nearly in tears most of the time. And I have a very high pain tolerance. My chores still needed to be done, so I continued on my day with our list of activities. My son wanted to go to the library to check out some books, we needed groceries, there was a prescription to pick up at the drugstore, and so on and so on.

A known fact about me is that people find me intimidating. Not in a scary way, but in a "wow, she's confident and knows what she wants" way. I've been told this by men who have tried to pursue me, women who are friends, and co-workers alike. Because of this, I've often felt a little like an outcast or fish out of water.

On this particular day I decided to take my wrapped arm, which I assume was perceived as a sign of weakness, and continued on with my day. I couldn't believe how many people approached me. Men and women alike. It's as if I let down a wall that I had been holding up and people finally felt as if they had permission to come into my circle.

I am only sharing this story because it was the wake up call I needed to see that I need to learn how to break down some barriers I have up in order to try to control everything and stop holding myself to expectations that are so high, that I can't ever meet them or if I do, I'm exhausted once I get there.